Germany Wreaks Destruction on Fidget Spinners

Germany hates fidget spinners

Ever wished you could just grab one of those fidget spinners and crush it out of existence?

Apparently, Germany has had the same thought. Only they’re actually going to do it. The German government recently confiscated 77,000 pounds worth of fidget spinners and now “plan[s] on crushing [them] out of existence.”

Is this a safety precaution, a resurgence of the Nazi regime, or just some terrible joke?

According to Germany, the first option is correct. The confiscated fidget spinners were apparently deemed unsafe for children, due to loose parts that could potentially fall off and be swallowed.

A likely story….

white fidget spinner
Source: Pixabay

Right. I’m not buying it.

Everyone knows Germany still carries a grudge against the world after losing two World Wars back to back. As if that wasn’t enough, we all forced them to sign an agreement stating that the war was entirely Germany’s fault and that the German people would accept all the blame. Which they did, very graciously. Or so it would seem. Personally, I think that guilt clause in the Treaty of Versailles was sort of overkill. Did we really have to rub it in Germany’s face?

Apparently, this clause also carried an unspoken agreement that American and English films have full rights to always depict Germans as the evil bad guys who want to end the world with some kind of crazy new nuclear device. I’m just saying, if I were German, I’d be a little resentful.

What does this mean?

Who invented fidget spinners? An American woman. Can we view this act of rather unnecessary destruction as a form of catharsis? And are Americans the bad guys in German movies? (is what I really want to know).

Also, how is Germany going to crush those 77,000 pounds worth of fidget spinners “out of existence?” Probably with one of the many radical nuclear devices they’re always threatening us with in superhero movies.

At any rate, if you’re planning a trip to Germany anytime in the near future, leave your fidget spinner at home – for everyone’s safety.