Donald Trump: “I am Batman”
We know Donald Trump is worth a fortune and is currently the leading republican candidate to in his bid to become the President of the United States, so love him or hate him you have to admit that he must have at least some brains under that toupee of his. But the reality star’s presidential bid is now feeling a lot more Here Comes Honey Boo Boo than West Wing or House Of Cards.
Earlier this year Trump launched his campaign for the United States Presidency with a declaration that most Mexicans are rapists. Now Trump has now taken his “Donaldness” up a notch to Bruce Wayne levels by landing his helicopter in Iowa and telling the crowd “I am Batman.”
If that’s not enough Donald Trump has just released his immigration platform which includes his plan to throw 11 million people out of the United States. Good thing he’s Batman!
But will Donald Trump be the first reality TV star to become President of the United States? These politicians have made worse and even funnier gaffes than Donald Trump but did they become president? #4 has the answer: Who Betcha!
Let’s start with someone who uses the same barber as The Donald: Dan Quayle. When George Bush Senior tapped Quayle as his running mate he should have first taken him for a test drive. Quayle turned out to be incredibly nervous in front of TV cameras and as he bumbled his way through the election he came up with the best zingers including: “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and a child.”
Michelle Bachmann didn’t have Dan Quayle’s jitters in fact she was so confident she didn’t mind publicly comparing herself to John Wayne. Unfortunately for Bachmann the John Wayne she was comparing herself to in Waterloo was not The Duke but instead John Wayne Gacey the perverted mass murderer who liked to dress up as a clown and rape and kill people.
Hey, it takes a lot of confidence to stand up and run for President of the United States but you have to get your facts right. Al Gore could have told Bachman that after he got on CNN with Wolf Blitzer and told the CNN anchor that he invented the internet. We’d be more inclined to believe he was Batman.
Sometimes bad gaffes happen to nice guys who just mean well. Like Joe Biden who is always there with a happy finger point and a smile. Biden was making an election stop in St. Louis when he was gushing all over state Senator Chuck Graham (D-Columbia) and then asked him to stand up and take a bow. The problem was that because he was in a wheelchair Graham was the only person in the room who couldn’t stand up.
Okay Batman, if you want to be President you’ve got to act like a president and you can’t scream like a WWE Wrestler, even if you are really good at it like Howard Dean. The scream heard around the world ended his presidential bid as well as any presidential aspirations of Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper.
In what he thought were off the record remarks to Washington Post reporter, Milton Coleman, Jesse Jackson referred to Jews as “Hymies” and called New York “Hymietown.” When the slurs ran in the Washington Post Jackson denied making the comments and accused Jews of trying to sabotage his presidential bid. He later recanted, admitted to making the comments and then traveled to a Manchester, New Hampshire synagogue where he gave an emotional speech in which he asked forgiveness.
Who betcha! You betcha! The master of all things gaffe was really just a wonder of the modern world. Sarah Palin famously declared herself fit to negotiate with Russians since she could see Russia from Alaska. But our favorite Palin gaffe came when she was trying to be all presidential by pardoning a turkey as is traditionally done by the President of the United States. After pardoning the turkey in good fun Palin then gave an interview in front of turkey slaughter block as the turkeys heads were being chopped off and their blood was being drained from their bodies.
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousands words so politicians must choose them wisely. The other lesson Paul Ryan learned was that no matter how buff your body is remember this: if you look like a cast member from Saved By The Bell, particularly the perverted one who makes cheap porn and gets arrested for stabbing people in bar fights, you don’t get to be president.
The other great lesson many male politicians should learn is this: women got the vote. This may have come as a shock to Todd Akin who seemed to emerge from a few centuries ago to try and put a stop to abortion of any kind by saying that “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
His comments were confusing to say the least. As he was fighting to stop abortion he seemed to suggest that some women had internal abortion mechanisms that they could flip on when raped. Even Mitt Romney asked Akin to step down and Romney should know: he later claimed to have “binders full of women.”
Not all gaffe’s end careers so maybe it is possible that a realty TV star like Donald Trump could become President of the United States. Perhaps the greatest gaffe in the history of American politics came from a sitting president, Ronald Reagan, who was once a radio announcer but despite his years of working with microphones, he hadn’t realized his was on and he said “I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.”
That gaffe almost started World War III but unlike The Donald, Reagan had great hair and his political career continued.