Trump Is America

Make America Great Again

So you think Donald Trump can’t actually become the next President of the United States? Sorry Hippie, “get him oughta here!” It’s time to get your facts straight!

man holds upside down sign saying I believe in Trump
Trump Supporters score a 50% accuracy in spacial reasoning.

Trump is offensive. Trump is a Bigot. Trump has an over-inflated sense of self. Trump only really cares about himself. Trump thinks he is smarter than everyone else in the world.

Yes, your suspicions are true! Trump isn’t campaigning to lead America. Trump is America!

Whether you want to admit it or not as Americans we are a Reality-TV obsessed nation of narcissists addicted to Social Media who’s best accomplishments come from the fact that we inherited our success from the generation that came before us.

Does this description sound familiar? Sure it does! That’s because it is interchangeably a description of Donald Trump and the current State of the Union.

We Are A Society That Idealizes Idiots

man points finger while his chest hair has american flag
Chest Hair Grooming Rednecks come out strong for Trump.

All the egghead intellectual elites of America need to come to terms with the facts: an American is more likely to read a book by Honey Boo-Boo than Noam Chomsky. In fact an American is more likely to read a tell-all book by a hooker who gave Honey Boo-Boo’s dad a hand job in a Walmart bathroom than a book by Noam Chomsky.

The degradation of public intelligence is so pervasive that even our smartest politicians have to act stupid and “not talk so good” to connect with voters. Should we now be so surprised that the large majority of narcissistic has-been American idiots who pine for the glory days of American bigotry now want one of their own as President?

america-stupid-smartWhen Trump says he’ll make America great again he is not thinking of it as a plan for the future but rather as a recalibration to the past. This is what the majority of white bigots love about Trump. The days of ignorance and white domination (just because) are still fresh in their minds.

Trump’s ascension is merely the final stop on a road we’ve been travelling for decades. Think of it as a drunken frat boy road trip to Vegas where in the end we drink too much vodka, make a number of bad decisions and drive into on coming traffic because we decided to let the drunkest guy in the car drive.

Trump Is Pure

If Donald Trump is the walking, talking, breathing embodiment of America then why shouldn’t he be president?

I know what you are going to say: America is not just white ignorant conservative American hooligans who show up to Trump rallies to attack lefty protestors (or other Trump supporters who have been mistaken for lefty protestors) and hear wonderful hate speeches.

Man holds sign saying Baristas for Bernie Sanders 2016 as Susan Sarandon looks on
Susan Sarandon and a few people who work at Starbucks support Bernie Sanders’ un-American Campaign centred on the well-being of American Citizens.

There are good people in America, I’m sure you’ll say.

Bernie Sanders is American and he has a heart of gold, a razor sharp intellect and a Social Justice pedigree that allows him to use Simon and Garfunkel music without paying royalties.

Lets’ clear this up right now. In America people with hearts of gold and razor sharp intellects are fringe groups. The music of Simon and Garfunkel does not represent America anywhere near as much as Donald Trump standing on the stage of a political debate telling the world about the size of his dick.

That my friend is America and YES we can be great again.

Trump Is Hope

Donald Trump promises to make 'White" great again.
Donald Trump promises to make ‘White” great again.

Remember that for millions of Americans Trump’s campaign is (like Obama’s 2008 campaign) about hope. If Trump can be President then there is all sorts of hope out there for the millions of Trump supporters who actually think that Trump speaks in complete sentences and has good ideas.

Vote Trump, get rid of Mexicans. Vote Trump, bring back the mullet. Vote Trump, bomb the shit out of ISIS and the mythical Disney Kingdom of Agrabah.

Did you know this bombing Agrabah is a real thing? 30% of Republicans want to take military action against a nation that only appears in a Disney cartoon? Why are we then surprised that a majority of Republicans want a Realty TV Star as a President? Having a Realty TV Star as Presdient seems a whole lot more sane than declaring war on Disney.

Trump Is Democracy

As we plunge ourselves into a post-apocolypitc world where Donald Trump is President of the United States and ruler of the free world, let me remind the entire intellectual elite that they are the first in line to defend the concept of democracy. So now they must live with it.

Gary Busey smiles in a gray suite with his fake white teeth showing
Gary Busey announced that he will campaign for Donald Trump.

Well guess what, in America it turns out that “Democracy” means that we are free to vote for someone without diplomatic skill, intelligence or even any experience, but who instead has a really strong endorsement from Gary Busey.

Busey being the man who’s contribution to American intellectual life is the quote “Fun stands for ‘Finally Understanding Nothing’.”

It’s time to have some fun. Vote Trump! Trump Is America!