The Love Game | The Psychology of Dating

kissing couple dating
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Male and Female Brains in Dating Someone New

Among the many differences between men and women lies the perception of romantic relationships.

The male brain is wired to win. Winning feels good in regard to sports, careers, and women. So, on a date the man strives to win her by courting her the way he perceives she wants to be courted.

Men normally want to make their girlfriends and wives happy. They get that feeling of being a winner when she is happy.

Once a man succeeds at winning over his love interest (it is not hard to tell when he has captured her affections), only then does he decide how much he really likes her and wants to keep her. And if she is too easily won, he can lose interest or not appreciate her over time. We may not like to admit that, but it is true.

We all appreciate the things we have to work for more than the things that come to us effortlessly.


Singles on dating sites say that they don’t play games and they hate drama. Seriously. Everyone says it. But the truth is love is a game and when you fall in love, the emotions of love will probably cause some drama.

The challenge of the chase is more than a game men play. It’s a hard-wired program in the brain.

Women don’t have a hard-wired program for playing hard to get. In the beginning, a woman who exercises self-control with someone she is excited about and tries to react to him casually, the way she would act with a friend, has an advantage.

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Because a typical female brain is wired to enjoy being sought after/flattered, even the guy who initially doesn’t attract a girl’s interest still has a chance. Girls can be seduced with gifts and personality and charm, not simply looks. Best-selling romance novels and movies fictionalize the chase, and women read and watch, entranced.

It doesn’t work that way for men — if they aren’t attracted to a woman, she has practically zero chance with him. This is attributed to the male brain being primarily visually stimulated.

Oh, the games we play. We say we hate games, but we unwittingly play them all the time. It’s just nature.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Once a couple is dating for a while, things relax. Neither person is putting their best foot quite as forward as they were, and flaws begin to show. And the longer the relationship continues, the more negative things your partner allows you to see.

And it’s these times of red flags and screw ups when we unconsciously make important decisions about who we are as women and men and what we are willing to endure to be with this partner.

Often what happens is you see the red flag, but you are already imbibing love’s intoxicating drink. That makes it tough to decide whether your love interest is really the one for you. It can be unclear whether the head or the heart ought to win out.

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Psychology teaches us personality is fixed. Experience will teach you that you cannot change someone. They are who they are.

Whether you decide you can accept certain flaws or not, if you ask the right questions or just listen when a person talks they will tell you and show you who they are. It takes emotional maturity to acknowledge those tells.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.