Do Married Couples Still Need Alone Time?

Remember the early days of your marriage?  The beginning was filled with date nights, romantic surprises, weekend getaways, and nights spent canoodling in front of the TV.  But the honeymoon phase typically only lasts about 6 months.  (Maybe 1-2 years for the lucky ones.)  Once it’s over, all that one-on-one time makes you feel claustrophobic.  You’ll find that you can’t bear the thought of another couples’ weekend.  All you want is some alone time.  However, is it okay for you to do some things on your own and leave your spouse at home?

Alone Time Is Mandatory

alone time couple sunset
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You must take care of yourself to be the best husband you can be.  If you’re like most guys, you keep a packed schedule.  Your job is demanding, your workout is grueling, and you have little time left over to rejuvenate.  Spending all your free time with your spouse leaves you no time for recovery or creativity.  Self-care isn’t just an extra thing that’s nice to have.  It’s a requirement.

“A self-care couple understands that self-nurturing isn’t an extra luxury, but a necessity.  Both recognize that solitude isn’t a threat to their relationship, but rather, beneficial to connection,” writes HuffPost’s Susie and Otto Collins.

Your alone time should be a priority. This is a chance for you to clear your mind and reset.  If you’re creative, this is your time to work on new projects.  If not, it’s still a chance for you to unwind and spend time with your thoughts and feelings.

How to Balance

couple holding hands
Credit: CC0 Public Domain

Some couples struggle with how much time to spend apart and how much to spend together.  There are no exact guidelines.  Every couple’s dynamic is different.  But take the following points into consideration:

  • Know your preferences: Be honest with yourself about what you need. Before you go to your spouse, make sure you understand your own requirements.
  • Speak up: Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into activities that leave you no time for self-care.  If you’re not getting enough time for yourself, say something.
  • Combine both: Maybe there are activities you enjoy doing alone that might work with your partner. For example, if you like painting, perhaps your spouse can join in by working on her own creation.  This way, you’re still getting the time you need to create while spending time together.  There are some instances where you can have the best of both worlds.

Companionship and love are the greatest benefits of marriage.  However, self-care is crucial to ensure you give everything you’ve got and maintain a healthy relationship.